By Gina Tonic

It's important to leave all assumptions at the door – more fool you if you miss out on the deepest dicking of your life.

ILLUSTRATION: KIM COWIE

There’s a viral TikTok that resurfaces on my feed at least once a week of a bigger guy asking girls on the street if they’d date him if he was skinny, and they all respond that they would date him now. As a longtime chubby chaser and a big girly myself, this video warms my heart – but if you haven’t fucked with a fat lad before, it might feel intimidating to consider bonking through the bulk even if you say otherwise when approached by someone holding a phone camera in your face.

As the mastermind behind the popular How to Have Sex with a Fat Girl guide, who is now (finally) in her first long-term relationship with – you guessed it – a fat guy, the time has come for a guide of the same calibre for men. After all, some of the tips in the girls’ guide might not be wanted when approaching another gender. Some boys just aren’t into having their tits played with, apparently!

Following my years of fat sex knowledge as well as years of sucking dicks with a belly pressed against my forehead – combined with various accounts from all kinds of fat dudes – the following suggestions will hopefully help guide your fingers, fannies, dicks and mouths around the kind of men who take up more space than most.

Know your angles
As I so subtly mentioned, giving a blowjob can mean manoeuvring your way around a belly. For this reason, knowing the best angles to do so is all-important. My personal fav is laying them on their backs and dropping in from above onto the dick (if you must know), but taking into consideration bigger body shapes and sizes means factoring in angles for all other kinds of fucking, too.

“Having sex with smaller guys as a top can usually mean cowboy style, as they might not like feeling my weight on top of them,” Ant, a 39-year-old teacher, explains. Like everyone in this piece, he’s speaking anonymously to spill the beans more freely about sex. “Doggy works – what man doesn’t like doggy – but sometimes I like to see the other guy’s face.”

If being overpowered by a guy isn’t your go-to, getting on top may sound like a winner. Not everyone agrees: 37-year-old Bart – and most of the other men I interviewed – say that using their weight works best when they get on top. “Being a big lad while shagging is a great way to build up momentum, my wife likes it hard sometimes and that's much easier to do when you are bigger,” Bart explains.

Circling back to Ant, his top tip for bottoming is this: Spread ‘em. “Be aware that there’s some junk in the trunk before you get to the hole,” he says, “so you may have to spread more or thrust deeper than you thought.”

And as you should be doing with the people you’re shagging, ask them what positions they prefer – as the owner of a fat body, they’ll know what works best for them more than anyone.

Appearances can be deceiving
You may have heard the misconception that fat men have small dicks. As a lady who’s encountered multiple fat men’s dicks, I’m here to tell you that just isn’t true (and even if it were, there’s nothing wrong with a smaller package). But don’t take my word for it, sexual health educator and fat lad Jay explains that this isn’t just a fatphobic joke, but a simple matter of body mass. Additional fat in a man’s mons pubis can make his dick appear smaller, so you need to embrace the ability to be pounded or pound yourself down onto that dick.

“It’ll feel every bit as long as skinny guy dick,” Jay adds, “and you might find it even more comfortable to slam against thanks to the cushioning.” When fucking a fat person, it’s important to leave all assumptions about their bodies and their abilities at the door – more fool you if you miss out on the deepest dicking of your life.

It’s also just as important to consider all kinds of men who fall in the plus-size category – some of whom don’t have dicks at all. Again, go in with an open mind and let them show you exactly what kind of shag they’re able to give ya.

Don’t make it weird
“What annoys me most is when a guy is in bed with me and they focus solely on my fat areas – usually my belly,” Ant confides, exposing a common issue for fat shaggers: the fat fetishist. Some of us love it and some of us hate it, but all of us hate being awkwardly taken advantage of.

I’ve said it before here and I’ll say it again, just fucking speak to your fuck buddy about what you both want. It takes two to tango and expressing that you adore our tummies and get off on touching it will usually elicit a positive response.

As Jay puts it: “Men, and especially fat men, aren’t asked about how they want to be touched or given permission to value how we are touched. It would be ironic – if not so sad – given how much heteronormative sex narratives in our culture focus on male pleasure, but it’s often focused on what they want to do or have done to them but and not [the] minutiae of touch itself.”

So don’t be a freak about it, pose the question nicely and if they’re not into it, it probably wouldn’t have been a good match anyway.

Let go and enjoy yourself
It goes unsaid that as people with marginalised bodies, we’re not often seen as sexual. There are multiple pop culture references that turn having sex with a fat person into a joke rather than a regular experience. Due to the conscious and unconscious preconceptions embedded in all of us that fat sex is gross and obscene, it’s important to clear space in your mind to celebrate the specific kind of sex you’re having – in this case, sex with a fat person.

Seek out and enjoy positives that can only come from having sex with a fat person: Be that the extra power behind being dommed, the vast softness to sink your teeth into or specificities like the ones that Lukas, a 28 year old in IT sales, enthuses about: “I love the sounds shagging can create from being fat, the audible sounds it can create when doing rougher sex.”

Lukas adds: “I'd want to be touched without hesitation of my body. I'd want the person to touch areas they appreciate or get aroused by as there is likely more of it! Don't be afraid of their body. Touch, kiss and engage with their entire body, ask if they are comfortable being touched, grabbed and kissed in certain areas if you are unsure. Communication in sex is key for everyone.”

All in all, going from shagging skinny men to fucking fat lads is like choosing to have a bit of all the meat at the carvery, rather than just sticking to your usual beef or turkey. Who knows what you’re missing out on? Me, and it’s a bloody great bang, that’s what. Exploring fucking all kinds of people – and all kinds of fat people – will open up your world to just how much you needed to drop the inhibitions and enjoy the carnal pleasures of life.

Originally Published: https://www.vice.com/en/article/5d38ab/how-to-have-sex-fat-guy-guide